Eastbound and a little down

Ok, so in our last dramatic episode, we'd learned that our intrepid heroine was about to be unemployed, possibly without a place to live and certainly panic-stricken about her life circumstances....DAMN YOU STINKING SATURN TRAVELING THROUGH MY LIBRA SUN SIGN!!!

Well, the upside is that Saturn has finally moved on into Scorpio, which according to the astrologists I know and follow, that's supposed to finally, finally, FINAL-freaking-LY mean that some of that quicksandy, wheel-spinning, going-nowhere-fast feeling is about to abate, allowing me to find some firm life footing and begin moving forward in a direction.  Hell...any direction at all would be nice, eh?!

Thus as of 10/5, obstacles would finally begin falling away, and that date happened to coincide with a job interview I was on in Texas.  Everything seemed to go really well there.  The company had good things to say, the personnel personalities and I seemed to click nicely.  Not altogether thrilled, I admit, with moving to a 'red state' and into an area that boasts a very vocal Baptist Christian bias, but if these folks are going to pay me enough to not only survive but thrive, I can probably muster the inner fortitude to keep my mouth shut and my broomcloset door well-lubed with some cosmic, karmic WD-40.

Things appeared good, but then, they've delayed on making the offer, citing the desire to wait until next year when they can safely budget to "afford me."

This came a little bit as a shock (to both myself and the headhunter who lined this deal up), but the interviewers caught wind of the fact that I'd also been interviewing with a couple of companies out on the east coast, one of which said they could hire me for a short-term gig immediately after my present gig ends just before Columbus Day.

The short version of the outcome is this:   Looks like I'll be headed to the City of Brotherly Love and Cheesesteaks for awhile, starting at the end of this week.  Then I will have to wait to see if the Alamo remembers me enough from my recent video and in-person interviews to offer me a permanent home come the first of the year.

Or, who knows?   Maybe ol' Chi-town isn't done with me yet?  Stranger things have happened.  Wouldn't it be nice if one of these local companies would find it in their hearts (and wallets) to find a way for me to not have to leave my family, friends, deep dish pizza and the motley crew of this Midwest melting pot pagan community after all?

Then again, I might win the lottery too....anything's possible.

Whirlwind of WTF

Wish I had a good excuse for not posting much....again....and I sort of do.

Thank the gods I'm nearly at the end of this "year 42" where I'd asked the Lord and Lady after my last birthday to help rearrange my life to get me on the proper path I should be on.

Wow.  Be careful what you wish for....yes!

So as you'll recall, I've been divorced, moved out of my home and into an apartment...then comes this latest bit of "AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!" this month, just to wrap up the final few days before my 43rd birthday later this week.

September Recap:

• Had a small car accident involving the parking situation here at the apartment complex.  No serious damage, but did jack up the custom paint and gave my door a few dings, which I cannot afford to get fixed right now.
• The reason why I cannot afford it is because I was informed just after Labor Day that the place where I've been working for the past 8+ years will not be renewing my contract and as of October 5, I will be unemployed.
• As a did just come through this divorce and moving thing in recent months, I have zero in the way of a nest-egg saved up, and so it looks like it is a good thing that I never fully unpacked in this apartment, because I'm going to have to leave it since I won't be able to afford the place anymore.
• Have been sending out resumes and interviewing like crazy, but my niche-type job is such that there isn't a likelihood that I will find something local anyway, so it looks like I will be moving to PA, TX or FL in a matter of two weeks.  Either that or wind up sobbing on a friends couch while I contemplate how to give my two cats up to the Humane Society since I probably can't bring them with me wherever I end up.

And so, as you can see, I've been a little preoccupied.  Insomnia, mild panic attacks and low-grade depression have been the ghosts that haunt me and have my writing muse hiding under the blankets of late.  Just not in the mood to rant about all things witchy when I can't seem to rouse myself up for much more than watching reruns of RuPaul's Drag Race and eating what's left of the canned goods in the pantry so that there will be less to pack.

I'm somewhat joking/exaggerating, but only just so, when I say that I'd thought my midlife crisis was supposed to be about bemoaning the lack of a second childhood...not being fearful of having to eat Ramen because I don't have a job or a place to live or a romantic love interest or a frigging clue as to what sort of regimen the Mighty Ones are trying to kick my ass with for opening my big frigging mouth when I blew out the candles on my cake last year.

Well, gonna ride this out for another week and hopefully once that happens, I'll have a better grip on where I'm going, what I'm doing and who may or may not be a part of that.

In the meantime, hope this Equinox energy balances me out too.  I could use something to stop the mental-emotional seasickness I've got going on.

Navigation of Rough Waters

I have had good intentions with this blog space, but unfortunately, I have also had distractions too.  Hence the infrequent posts, and those that have made it thus far have been mostly "re-prints" of older items.

One of the reasons "Broom Handle" has suffered in the past year was due to the hackers who infiltrated my blog site and caused a hellfire mess therein. 

The other reason, if I haven't admitted this previously, has been my dealing with the painful disintegration of my marriage and the amount of time and energy and focus that has sucked out of most other aspects of my world.

To spare the gory details....my Real Life(tm) simply got in the way, and while I didn't let my Craft suffer in the literal sense, I haven't had the gumption to devote what creativity and inner emotional fortitude I have left to spare into writing much.  I've been preoccupied with "holding my shit together" elsewhere, for keeping my career going and working through my home-life struggles.

**Yeah, must be the "joyous side" of elevation at work....the third-degree of getting one's life in order so that the Gods can....er, help you....uh, get onto the path where you ought to be.**

It feels like I'm in a prolonged 'sophomore slump'...you know, like the way many professional artists and athletes are predicted to have a stellar trajectory of creativity, but immediately following their debut and rave reviews, they hit that lackluster phase that makes everybody question whether they gave up or had just been a lucky hack to begin with.

In my case, when my home-life's wheels came off, my sense of direction and creativity foundered along with it.  I haven't been inspired to write anything.  My muse, like Elvis, has left the building.  She says she'll come back after the demolition crews have finished their messy work and the remodel is under way.

The implosion of my 10-year marriage has left me gasping.  I'm busy trying to get myself to a more stable place in head and heart...because nothing shakes the foundations like having your primary relationship die a slow and painful death.  It is hard to try to teach and promote the understandings of Perfect Love and Trust....when you've just learned that your mate has decided that he doesn't love you anymore and you don't trust him anymore these days either.

So that's what has been going on here, folks.  Not an excuse, not really, but it is an explanation. 

The legal stuff is eminent, hopefully before the end of the year, but the packing up and moving his stuff out of the house has already begun.  Each day gets easier to breathe, each day I find out how much stronger I am than I'd thought I was capable of being.

When the dust settles, when the ride on the emotional waves becomes manageable, I'll be back with witticism and sarcasm and food for thought.

I'm turning 42 in a few weeks....and didn't Douglas Adams declare that magic number to be the answer to the universal question?  Well, I have a tongue-in-cheek suspicion that it will bring me wisdom alright.  Gotta gear up to see what that holds.

And then I'll write about it.

DEJA BROOM: Why I chose Traditionalism over Eclecticism

"DEJA BROOM" denotes a blog repost from my old site.  Feel free to read anew, or refresh your memory to re-live the ranty goodness.  Otherwise, feel free to skip ahead to more modern mayhem

THIS IS MY PERSONAL STORY.

I was recently asked to explain why, after more than 20 years as an eclectic witch, I'd decided to pursue the path of a specific tradition.

The inquiry came from a relative newcomer to the world of witchcraft, one who thought that one of the "goals" of paganism as a religious outlet was to do away with specific ritual patterns and lineaged teachings. Wasn't there more freedom to be had in cherry-picking your way through the ample lists of deities and ad hoc rituals? Surely sampling many spiritual cuisines is a better way to taste the universal nature of it all, right?

Well, in my own experience, I had found I am personally better able to understand concepts when looking at them in isolation rather than in global immersion...that greater depth speaks to me in ways that greater breadth does not.

I find clarity in working from a place of constants. Having some things as given, stable, allows me to be more creative and inventive in chosing which aspects to vary from. This improves my understanding of how my small changes to these constants will effect the usual and predictable results. It shows me the potential. And in a focused view, like a hypothesis in an experiement, it teaches me how directly my manipulations have changed the anticipated outcomes.

So if my ultimate goal is learning how to go about 'changing consciousness in accordance with will,' and in this case MY WILL, then I am the type who likes to make sure I've covered as many bases as possible before I go messing around with any of the variables.

Perhaps, as I told this seeker, I am just more inclined to dance with the devils I know than those I do not. This little cosmic clue-by-four to the head had led me to move in favor of a more structured practice over the years....and this is what I was trying to explain to this person about how I had come to be a traditionalist after my past stint on the great eclectic learning curve.

In tradition, I don't see limitations...I see differentiation.
To expand the idea of what a "universal truth" is by investigating it through a distinct separate subset cultivated through individual experience. Experiences are wrought by circumstance, environment, and interaction with others both with a like mind and with alternate opinions. Conflict itself is not unhealthy so long as it is productive to expanding the understanding of “universal truth.”

In tradition, I don't see separatism....I see diversity.
Differences are what cause, and sometimes result from, evolution. Fostering growth in new directions, bringing needed changes when ideas, politics and patterns have become stagnant. Pockets of people who are unified by their similar characteristics and shared beliefs may contribute alternate understandings of what was thought a “universal truth” enough to shift a paradigm and completely change it.

In tradition, I don't see delineation....I see discernment.
I see filtering a wider spectrum of choices to allow a more quantifiable interpretation of "universal truth" on a smaller, more understandable scale. Through applying one's own unique perspective of experiential reality, it becomes easier to more readily embrace concepts which were far too large to be comprehended fully through absolutism.

In tradition, I don't see restriction…I see simplification.
Because it is human (and animal) nature to simplify. As sensory input is measured, calculated and compared to the subset of prior knowledge and experience. The search for recognition of a previous pattern, the firing of synapse sequences toward a familiar perception is what drives our responses. It is the unconscious will of survival kicking in to quickly interpret a stimulus and to evaluate it so as to provide the mind, body and soul with the best possible response and reaction. Survival is all about simplicity.

In tradition, I don't see working in a controlled environment as being close-minded toward others....I see it as knowing one's self first.
I truly believe that one must embrace the self in order to relate openly and from the core with others. In starting with what an individual knows as his/her truths, one can come to terms with how everything is defined in his/her reality. Before expanding into the obtuse nature of "universal truth,” it should be understood how what is already known will alter one’s perceptions and will color one's experiences about how we perceive things as we are moving toward the unknowable. And the unknowable includes the interior of another person's head and heart.

From the place of microcosm, I can comprehend the macrocosm. The notion of Perfect Love and Perfect Trust is more real to me here. This is how I understand the eccumenical nature of Nature.

But do not confuse my leanings toward traditionalism to denote a lack of respect for those who favor eclecticism. I certainly do not begrudge people who are indeed capable of mentally dealing with a larger scope of mind-boggling minutia than I am. In fact, I applaud them for their capacity and strength of ego to withstand the long-term effects of juggling so many sources of wisdom simultaneously. If they are talented enough to compartmentalize and appreciate that level of detail and know the provenance of each bit, more power to 'em!

Over time, I just became aware that I am not similarly gifted. That is not a bad thing. Just recognizing it as being a difference that is a hallmark that distinguishes a lot of those who appreciate a "traddie mindset."

And it is this difference which drives me toward being responsible for my own tiny blip on the timeline of human evolution. I feel a sense of desperation to remain mindful about what I can and cannot push my brain to truly comprehend and grok. For only when I am that awake and participating that fully, can I be responsible for myself and all that I engage in. Only by such steadfastness can I hope to reach the next epiphany.

This is how I suffer to learn... You, on the other hand, might be different.

Therefore, when I do earn a particular kernel of knowledge and take it inside my core, I can feel comfortable and confident enough with it to use the hard won understanding with rest of the ol' Witches Pyramid. This helps me to navigate my way around this world....and any other world (or is that Otherworld?!) that I may encounter.

Educated exploration...thoughtful tinkering...conscientious conviction...willful and deliberate Witchery.

This is what I have found as I have been traversing my way within the disciplines of my tradition....and what I did not find during my experiences with eclecticism.

Your experiences may ---and should!--- vary.