Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Navigation of Rough Waters
One of the reasons "Broom Handle" has suffered in the past year was due to the hackers who infiltrated my blog site and caused a hellfire mess therein.
The other reason, if I haven't admitted this previously, has been my dealing with the painful disintegration of my marriage and the amount of time and energy and focus that has sucked out of most other aspects of my world.
To spare the gory details....my Real Life(tm) simply got in the way, and while I didn't let my Craft suffer in the literal sense, I haven't had the gumption to devote what creativity and inner emotional fortitude I have left to spare into writing much. I've been preoccupied with "holding my shit together" elsewhere, for keeping my career going and working through my home-life struggles.
**Yeah, must be the "joyous side" of elevation at work....the third-degree of getting one's life in order so that the Gods can....er, help you....uh, get onto the path where you ought to be.**
It feels like I'm in a prolonged 'sophomore slump'...you know, like the way many professional artists and athletes are predicted to have a stellar trajectory of creativity, but immediately following their debut and rave reviews, they hit that lackluster phase that makes everybody question whether they gave up or had just been a lucky hack to begin with.
In my case, when my home-life's wheels came off, my sense of direction and creativity foundered along with it. I haven't been inspired to write anything. My muse, like Elvis, has left the building. She says she'll come back after the demolition crews have finished their messy work and the remodel is under way.
The implosion of my 10-year marriage has left me gasping. I'm busy trying to get myself to a more stable place in head and heart...because nothing shakes the foundations like having your primary relationship die a slow and painful death. It is hard to try to teach and promote the understandings of Perfect Love and Trust....when you've just learned that your mate has decided that he doesn't love you anymore and you don't trust him anymore these days either.
So that's what has been going on here, folks. Not an excuse, not really, but it is an explanation.
The legal stuff is eminent, hopefully before the end of the year, but the packing up and moving his stuff out of the house has already begun. Each day gets easier to breathe, each day I find out how much stronger I am than I'd thought I was capable of being.
When the dust settles, when the ride on the emotional waves becomes manageable, I'll be back with witticism and sarcasm and food for thought.
I'm turning 42 in a few weeks....and didn't Douglas Adams declare that magic number to be the answer to the universal question? Well, I have a tongue-in-cheek suspicion that it will bring me wisdom alright. Gotta gear up to see what that holds.
And then I'll write about it.