Monday, January 28, 2013

Into The Fray and California Dreamin'

Another apology for another of my altogether infrequent posts...I will get better.  Very soon.

So after my holiday-centric meltdown about being unemployed --- compounded with having a lackluster industry-relevant headhunter working my case and then having spirit-crushing experience of having to ask my parents for enough money to keep the heat on and the roof over my head--- I did manage to get two job offers at the tail-end of December.

The first one, a job local here in Chicago, came through with a company whose owners are really great folks.  Only problem is that they wanted to have me multi-task into the sales arena rather than just project management and being the "face" isn't my forte.  I'm more of the "gal behind the curtain" type, the one who gets things done...the Ms. Moneypenny to the salesman's James Bond.  So the bummer part was that they wanted to make the compensation relative to the sales part of the gig (ergo, smaller base salary with commissions) which mean HALF of my requested salary.

So frustrating.

The other contender was for a short-term contract that only lasts thru end of July.  The upside is that the duration of the gig would last beyond the end of my apartment lease, so I could be relocate-able AND the hourly wage was more than I was making at my last job...which would allow me to pay off most of my creditors, many of whom gave me a break during my layoff.

Needless to say, I took the second job, but told the first option that I'd contact them to see if their offer was still available as I neared the end of this contractual obligation.  They were ok with that idea.

- - - -

This brings me up to present day, wherein I was hired to work on a local, Chicagoland area project, but then asked to assist in the wrap-up of the previous phase of work in this same project in San Francisco and San Jose, CA!! 

WOWZA!!  Having never been to the west coast, I agreed immediately. 

Crossing off several of my "its not a bucket list, bucket list" items:  wiggling my toes in the Pacific Ocean, crossing the Golden Gate bridge, seeing Haight-Ashbury, driving down Lombard Street, and picnicing in Golden Gate park...and of course, making a "pilgrimage" to Sonoma, Napa and the Russian River Valley wine country!!  On the weekends, of course...

So lately I've been jet-setting between Chicago and San Fran, living out of my suitcase and only  coming home to do laundry and pay bills on the apartment that I am, once again, not really living in but which is costing me an arm and a leg.

These visits to CA will only be until mid-February, after which time, I should be able to settle back into my Chi-town groove and get back into my customary circle practices rather than having to "make do" with solo, adhoc rituals in hotel rooms.

I have found that it is harder to connect and commune with Them when standing in a hotel room with the congealed energies of transient guests and questionable standards for cleanliness.   This lends itself to rituals that are 'skyclad plus socks' and lots of hand sanitizer being part of the purifications right along with the sanctified salt water!  *grin*

More news to come soon...

~Albiana of the jet-lagged broomstick!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

You CAN go home again

So what the hell happened?  The short answer?  The PA/NJ thing didn't pan out.  For a lot of reasons... 

In all seriousness, I found myself fighting through a severe depression/panic attack around mid November and decided that enough was enough.  Time to pack it in and go back home, trying to keep some dignity, some sanity...and having chosen the lesser evil of being mortified to be on unemployment during the holidays rather than exacerbating an untreated ulcer and having a full-on breakdown.

Tough life lesson there.  Learning that, sometimes, the smarter thing to do is to give up the present fight and live to fight another day.

So I'm back in Chicago.  Still working with my headhunter and interviewing a few times a week.  In many cases, I've "got the job" except that the employers know that the economy is in their favor so they can offer ridiculously low salaries and get desperate folks like me on sale.

The last two places I spoke with would have me work at the same rate I made in 1994...for an amount about one-half what I'd been making for the past 9 years.

Yeah, yeah.  I know that at some point I'm going to have to suck up my pride in order to eat and not default on my debts.  I really, really, really didn't want to be one of those divorcees who has to move back home with her folks until some knight in shining paycheck can come in and offer to pay half the rent and utility bills.

Damn proud Irish-Polish-German gal that I am, I wanna save myself.  Damn proud witch that I am, that's exactly what I'm gonna do, using every means at my disposal to get my energy and efforts flowing the right direction to get that to happen.  So. Mote. It. Be.

On the brightside, I do have the support of my covenmates and local witchy community pals.  Lots of generous folks who have offered to lend their own time and energies to helping me get my footing back on the path and my collective shit together in my head.

Ah, dear old life I still willing to suffer to learn?  Heck yes. YES!

But I'm about over the suffering for no good reason business.  Am ready to be productive and better able to use this low-point of my life as a jumping off point to something better.

For now, I'm focused on Solstice spiritual endeavors and Yuletide awareness.  Put up my tree, am taking my hikes in the woods to see what nature is up to, and am enjoying having my family and friends nearby to celebrate all that is good in this life.

And isn't that the whole point?  The belief and the trust that there is a new beginning around the corner.  Even though it may not be visible, it may not yet be tangible...but good things, new life, new is happening even now, behind the scenes.  We have to trust the process, the movement of the Wheel.

During the esbat last week, I got a thump on my noggin from Goddess-Mom and God-Dad. 
((internal dialogue in gently reprimanding and chuckling voiceover))
        Oh ye of little faith, daughter.  You know these better.
        These notions of Perfect Love and Perfect Trust...they are a constant in the world
        and they are what move the universe.  You have to stop trying to force what will not move,
        stop trying to figure out what isn't yours to discern or rectify. 

       Just open up, stop fighting everything that is presented to you and just trust, know,
       believe that there are things moving that you cannot see, actions taking place that you
      can neither control nor influence. 

      These are OURS to handle and you, daughter, have done your part.
      Trust that We love you and will do Ours.  We will help to get you where you need to be next.

Guess I needed that.  Needed that reminder.  And the funny thing is that the same message seems to be everywhere at this time of year and I just never saw/heard it properly until now  All this time, it has been echoed right in my face, and still I'd missed the obvious, Their message: 

    You've got to believe to receive.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

I'm not even supposed to BE HERE today!!

So in case you don't know, I have temporarily relocated to New Jersey. 

My search for employment has led me to take a short-term contract project from October-thru-January in Philadelphia, with the company who has hired me putting me up in a bed-and-breakfast over the bridge in New Jersey.

Yeah, in time for the once-in-a-lifetime freakish storm to hit.  Frankenstorm the media is calling it.  Seriously.

Something about the confluence of Hurricane Sandy and the usual nor'easter and the full moon bringing the tides in to the max.  All that equals some sort of what the hell am I doing here in time for this complete freak-of-nature weather system?!

As if I wasn't already feeling out of sorts, homesick and confused about what the hell direction my life is going in?  Now I have to wonder if in the next 24-48 hours if I will be caught up in some jacked up thunderstorm to end all thunderstorms?

Gotta tell you, I had a moment of WTF, followed immediately by what was true, hysterical laughter....wherein I decided I would be wearing striped tights for the next 2 days, in the event that the old Victorian house (the B&B) happens to fall on that my family can come from Illinois to identify my body and say...."Yes, that's her.  The house fell on my sister!!"