Countdowns and seafoam

I'm feeling really frustrated today. 

I have these moments, sometimes several days worth, when I'm anxious, waiting for things to shift and move.  Just so tired of being trapped and stagnating in this rut....things taking too long towards my impending fresh start and new beginning as everyone keeps promising me will soon come.

Ah, this "winter of my discontent" needs to come to an end already!!

Today I'm channeling my impatience into physical tasks, like painting and spring cleaning.  Makes me feel the way a gardner does when forcing a bulb to bloom indoors, ahead of its natural schedule, just out of need to see something blossoming, fruitful, beautiful.  I need proof of growth, need evidence of change. 

I want to feel joy and hope bursting through the dark, like eager tender shoots coming up through crusted soil.

There are 15 days until Spring Equinox.  There are 21 days until my divorce is final.  There are 23 days until I go on my vacation to visit "mother, mother ocean...I have heard your call..." down in Florida and shed my tears into the salty, cold Atlantic.

I always feel better after a visit with the waves.  Somehow the water makes me feel small, carried, just a hairs-breath from being swept away in the way that my emotional tides sometimes do...but even in that there is a dark beauty, a constant, a rhythm that and pattern that I cannot comprehen but can only trust is there....that there is a source beyond my ken, beyond my grasp of human understanding....that the waves and the shhh-shhh of the water lapping and crashing, turning rock and shells into sand over time and with patience....that there is a reason for all this.  That the Wheel will keep turning no matter what I do, no matter what happens, no matter how small my life may be in the cosmic scheme of things.

A little pleasure in that, despite my immediate pains. 

Change is inevitable.  Growth, maturation, decline, endings, renewal.  All of it happens in ways we sometimes cannot fathom, cannot prevent, cannot forsee, cannot anticipate or prepare for....but always, a continuation.

Sometimes you ride the Wheel....sometimes you are caught beneath its tread....but always, it moves forward.

Zombies: things that are cool, but rather disturbing

Along side the whole vampire/werewolf teen angsty thing, there has also been a subgenre featuring old monster movies and zombies...one might guess, partially relative to the 2012 end-o-the-world fascination.  *erp*

Well, at least the zombie thing has produced some remarkably creative, creepy and covet-worthy objects d'art.  And my being a Halloween ephemera collector, I have to say some of it fascinates me enough that even in my most Libra aesthete moods, a part of me secretly wishes she had the nerve to actually purchase a few of these disturbing delectables. 

I know....weird, right?  As if I could pull off that whole gothy vibe without looking like an aging hipster who is trying to hard. 

Anyway, here are a few "decidedly shocking, but still so freaking kick-ass" items that would probably cause any of my future dating prospects to run screaming in the other direction --- unless of course said gentleman IS some aging hipster who is trying too hard ((tee hee)):

Back to the land of the living...and blogging!

Alrighty then.

Quite a bit o' time has passed....and with it, a whole lotta personal life crapola.  Not the least of which is my impending divorce fun. 

The soon-to-be-ex-husband moved out in mid-November.  I struggled a bit through the holiday season, but mostly made it through emotionally intact....and what is more, stronger, relieved, and dare I say it...happier.

Well, getting that way.  Day by freaking day.

Got myself an attorney.  Got myself in financial good stead.  Getting my house cleaned up, emptied out, repainted and ready for the real estate market in the spring.

Most importantly....upgraded my car to a midlife crisis worthy mobile...a snazzy new convertible sports car.  Yes indeedy, this gal  ((thumbs pointing to chest)) is not going to "go gently into that goodnight" of forty-something female singledom without being armed with some cooler, self-indulgent toys to compensate for her second crack in the reliving the reckless youth she never had to begin with.

One of the many things being recovered, reconciled and revamped? 

You guessed it.  This blog space.  Back from the dead.  Full throtle and damn the torpedoes.  Or something.

So thanks for the patience gang, if any of y'all are still out there in internetland.  Am back....not with a vengence...but certainly with a new shine on my brass ovaries and a revved up new besom to cruise around and rant to Hel and back astride.

XOXO,
Albiana